How Mars might look when Britain liberates her people.
Queen Victoria has given her personal stamp of approval for a new project to send a manned vessel into outer space and on to Mars, it was announced today. The project is to be headed and funded by the Imperial Space Association.
Permission was granted after Her Majesty was presented with detailed information regarding a possible Earth invasion force by Martian inhabitants. Speaking exclusively to The Journal, British Tea Company CEO Sir Robin Masses said “There’s absolutely no doubt that the Martians are on to us. They want our land, our jobs and our tea. We have to pre-empt their strike with an attack on their home soil.”
In a press gathering later that day, Lead ᴁthernaut Captain Reginald “Tiffin” deBere said “The idea is to get on down to that bally red planet and kick old ET’s arse. Our beloved Blighty is at risk and I won’t stand by while they silently invade our country.
“That’s why my team and I intend to take our glorious army and meet them head on,” he added.
When asked about the evidence of the invasion, Commander Timothy “Goggles” Van Der Ives began “British Intelligence has provided Westminster with undeniable evidence of large weapons on the planet surface that could wipe out Britain with one stroke..” He was cut off by Captain deBere “Look, we have a job to do to keep you all safe. It’s a red planet, for crying out loud, they’re obviously communists, so we intend to liberate the people of that planet from their oppressive regime.”
The small strategy team will journey to the orbit of Mars in the ‘Huygens’ – a tiny, comfortable war room where they can instruct troops from the safety of space. Landing troops will arrive in late autumn next year with a full ground assault scheduled for Winter. “We decided on a Winter attack because the British are used to the cold and it will likely catch the enemy off guard,” said Home Secretary Lady Helen Domicilé.
Recent investigations by unmanned surveillance probes have revealed that Mars has a large deposit of coal and oil, but it’s thought that this is entirely coincidental.